Tuesday, 19 July 2016

                        NEWS OF THE UNIVERSE

                                                 BACK BEHIND BARS.
           To-day NEWS OF THE UNIVERSE can reveal that Cutthroat Clatworthy is once more behind bars after being on the run for almost a year. Cuttthroat Clatworthy, who escaped custody with the aid of two other notorious villains, Razar Rowcliffe and Cosher Cleeve, was serving a life sentence for numerous crimes. These crimes included the wearing of headgear likely to result in a breach of the peace and the insulting of riders of single cylinder machines.
Witnesses testifying at his trial said that he had boasted that 'flies are attracted to me'. Is it any wonder when he wears such a vile smelly rag on his head?
NEWS OF THE UNIVERSE under-cover investigators have discovered that Cutthroat who's real name is Gordon has a twin sister.
This sister out of some misguided sense of loyalty has taken it upon herself to impersonate her loathsome brother and to try and bring some respectability to the Clatworthy name.
She now wears his clothes and frequents the same places where his crimes were committed. If you should happen, dear readers, to meet the sister in this disguise, do not be fooled, you are not talking to a man but a woman. Smile sympathetically and call her Christine.